I can’t believe that we’re already five days into 2018! This past year was one of the best years of my life but also one of the most challenging. As with most years, I made some amazing memories but hit some pretty low times as well.
I’ve never been into the idea of setting New Years resolutions. I always thought it was silly to all of a sudden decide that you’re going to become a new person at the stroke of midnight. But after having my daughter in June, I went through a rough patch that made me pause and reflect about who I was becoming and who I wanted to be.
Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE being a mom and wouldn’t change it for the world, but after we welcomed our daughter into the world, I felt whole but I also felt a bit lost. I was the happiest I had ever been but also the most anxious. I was confident in my parenting but lost confidence in myself, I created a very strict routine with my baby that became a bit of an obsession and started to compare myself to other moms. For some reason, I expected others to get me out of this rut. I was hoping that someone could change me and accomplish my goals for me. I was looking to others to help motivate me and was becoming a useless tit. Yes – I said useless tit. Ironically, I didn’t want help with my daughter – that was the last thing I wanted. I became a very controlling parent who operated on the clock. It wasn’t the life that I wanted to live.
One day, I was at a family function and it was my daughters bed time. I began to panic because we were off of our usual routine. Looking back I think it was ridiculous and kind of funny but in that moment I felt so anxious. I was about to have a toddler-like throw down in my parents living room when my family basically told me to snap out of this… and I knew they were right. It was time for me to pick my tits up. Yes.. I said tits again. I had to stop with the expectations. I had to quit feeling sorry for myself, step outside of my routine, realise that I was fully capable of being independent and understand that my reactions were my choice. Most importantly, I had to stop comparing myself to other moms and quit being so hard on myself.
I’m happy and relieved to report that I’ve gotten myself out of that rut. Everyday isn’t perfect and I’m fine with that. I can’t predict the future nor can I plan everything just so, but I can be optimistic and try to live more positively. There will be moments in my life where lemons will be thrown my way and although I can’t always dodge those hardships, I can decide how to handle those challenges. It’s my choice and my time to find validation within myself, stay grounded, understand my self worth and set boundaries. In 2017 I became a mom and my hope for 2018 is to become a goaldigger.