In a couple of weeks my daughter will be celebrating her first birthday. I know it’s cliche to say this, but time has gone by so fast! I can’t believe my baby girl will be one years old! Whenever I look back at newborn photos I feel like I just captured those moments a few short days ago! I’m excited for my daughters birthday and look forward to the years ahead but at the same time, my heart is filled with this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Her birthday has been weighing heavily on me and it all stems from two weeks ago when my phone fell down the toilet and I lost nearly a years worth of photos and videos of her. As someone who likes to believe that everything happens for a reason, I knew I had to trust in a plan and believe that there was more of a lesson behind this incident than just learning about the consequences of not backing up my cellphone. This was the beginning of a new mindset and triggered a change in my way of thinking that I didn’t quite expect. It was time to let go of some things that I’ve been holding on to and to put my trust in an unknown plan.
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that my phone decided to go for a swim. After soaking it in rice for a few days, my phone struggled but managed to turn back on. In a desperate attempt to upload the pictures and videos onto my computer my phone decided to restore and delete everything. I don’t know how it happened but it did and I lost hundreds and hundreds of videos and pictures that I’ve snapped of my daughter over the last year. My heart broke. I felt like I was just robbed of some of the best memories and moments of my life. This incident sprung on a bunch of emotions and thoughts that I’ve been holding on to for a very long time. Of course I was upset that I lost some beautiful photos and videos of my baby girl but then I was overcome with sadness because my daughter’s growing up so fast, bitterness over having to return to work soon, remorseful over the fact that we sold our house to move into a bigger one, nervous over the fact that I’ve changed my workplace and will have to start fresh, worried that the transition from mat leave to working mom life will be horrible and stressed over the fact that I will no longer be with my daughter 24/7. I was essentially going through a grieving process and realised that there was much more to this incident than just my phone falling down the toilet and losing pictures. It was the realisation that I was losing time it and control.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve received as a mom is to let go. Let go of the pressure of doing things a certain way, let go of following a set schedule every day and let go of wanting to control every aspect of life. Instead, choose flexibility. Focus on the positives, cherish the memories and take everything one day at a time. There will be good days and there will be bad days but it’s up to you as to whether or not you let those sour moments outshine the great ones. In this particular instance, I had to let go. I had to let go of some photos but hold on to the memories, I had to let go of the idea of being a stay-at-home-mom and focus on the positives of being a working mom. I had to let go of the financial stresses and instead focus on how fortunate we are and I had to let go of spending every minute of the day with my daughter to put some focus on me.
It can be really difficult to get out of a slump and move forward especially when you feel like you have no control. I so badly wish that I could freeze time and stay here a little longer but I find comfort in believing that there’s a plan. Although I love the idea of being able to create my own future and believe that this is possible in certain aspects of life, I also believe that some things are out of our control. Someone, somewhere, something has a plan for me and I’m choosing to trust in that. So instead of spending time worrying about the future, the changes, the losses, the could have’s and the could be’s, I am choosing to let go and trust in a plan. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that there is a lesson and a purpose behind everything that happens in our lives. So if you’re in a slump and feel like you can’t get out, perhaps it’s time to let go and trust in a plan. Not your plan, not the plan you wish would come true, not the plan that fell flat but instead, trust in an unknown plan. Invest in it and believe that this is THE plan that’s going to guide you in the direction that you’re meant to be headed and maybe this too will bring you some comfort.